Monday, December 4, 2006

Not yet fearless, but....

I have just returned from my show in New York City. And I have one less fear on my list now.
New York was always intimidating to me. The thought of navigating the seemingly confusing chaos of this city sent me running in the past. When I went to New York in the past, it was with someone else, and preferably with them driving..
But this time I was on my own. I was the one who had to find her way around. And when I got into New York on Wednesday night, it was the same night that the tree in Rockerfeller Center was being lit....can you say traffic??
But by the time I reached Manhattan, I was no longer as worried or anxious. I had essentially reached my destination, without getting lost. I knew the rest of the journey might be slow, but I would be able to find my way.
It is silly how many fears can hold us back. Fears of rejection or failure. Fears about safety. Sometimes the fears have some validity. But the thing I have learned is that nearly every fear can be faced with preparation.
Signing up for this show was one that caused me great anxiety. The money. The location. And another new show. How will it go? But, I decided to let go of my fear as I proceeded. Sort of delay my recognition of it, really. And by the time I had to face it, it was too late to back down. I was decieving myself, in order to keep myself from stopping short of what I wanted and needed to do. I had days in the last month when I pondered cancelling participating in the show. Wondering if I was better to just let the money spent go, and run fast in the other direction. But that had other anxieties that were even larger.
In the end, another fear was taken away. My load was lightened. I met some wonderful people. And got to see the magic of New York during the holidays. Now I need to see what is next on my list....

No comments: